Men across Nigeria are rethinking what it means to live well in an era defined by pressure, productivity, and perpetual hustle. At the "Boss Man, Soft Life" panel, at the International Men's Day event themed "Triple G – Groom, Grow, Grind", Ayo Akinola and Dewyemi Okanlawon challenged the myth that softness equals laziness.
Rethinking Manhood: Softness, Strength, Sanity
Across Nigeria, men are confronting a cultural recalibration: how can they thrive without burning out? At the International Men's Day Triple G – Groom, Grow, Grind event session titled "Boss Man, Soft Life," Ayo Akinola and Dewyemi Okanlawon dismantled long-held assumptions about masculinity, especially the idea that suffering is proof of seriousness. As Ayo put it, "Life does not give anyone an award for highest blood pressure."
The conversation was timely. Between Lagos traffic, rising inflation, and the cultural expectation to provide, many men find themselves caught between the hustle mentality and the quiet yearning for rest, joy, and self-preservation.
But the panel reframed the debate: the "soft life" is not indulgence; it is intentional living, having purpose, money, sanity, passion, and balance. "Soft life is about being successful in every area of your life," Deyemi Okanlawon insisted.
This feature by Sustainable Stories Africa, in commemoration of International Men's Day, celebrated on November 19 each year, we explore the story behind the dialogue, the struggles men carry, the pressures they normalise, and the evolving philosophy that is helping them build disciplined, peaceful, sustainable lives without losing ambition.
The Hidden Cost of the Hustle Mindset
In Nigeria, the pressure on men to constantly grind is not just cultural, it is generational. From traffic-induced exhaustion to financial responsibilities stretching across extended families, men carry burdens that often remain invisible. Ayo put it bluntly: "If your life is stressing you more than Lagos traffic, then it is not a soft life, it is chaos."
And chaos has become normalised. The traditional belief that men earn respect through suffering persists. As Deyemi observed, "We have been conditioned to think that if you're not suffering, you're not serious."
But the consequences of this mindset are showing. Rising burnout. Heightened anxiety. Broken relationships. A generation of men who feel trapped between expectation and exhaustion. The "Boss Man, Soft Life" panel sought to disrupt this narrative by challenging men to build lives defined by intention rather than endless strain.
Why 'Soft Life' Is Not Laziness – It Is Strategy
One of the most striking moments came early in the discussion. Deyemi clarified the core misconception: "The goal is not to look successful, soft life is being successful in every area of your life." This includes:
- Sanity
- Purpose
- Money
- Relationships
- Health
- Peace
Far from promoting passivity, the panel revealed how intentional softness fuels long-term productivity. Rest becomes strategy. Sanity becomes leverage. Systems replace chaos.
Family Pressure – The Silent Load
For many men, the "soft life" conversation is inseparable from family responsibilities. Deyemi opened up: "There's always food, school fees, someone is doing that work, and it's me."
This emotional honesty reframed the dialogue. Men aren't seeking escape; they are seeking sustainability. The goal is not to reject responsibility but to approach it with intention and systems rather than stress-driven improvisation.
Where Nigerian Men Feel the Most Pressure
| Pressure Category | Impact on Men |
|---|---|
| Financial obligations | Anxiety, reduced self-care |
| Family responsibility | Guilt, identity tied to provision |
| Hustle culture | Overwork, burnout |
| Career instability | Fear of failure, restlessness |
| Emotional suppression | Mental health strain |
Imagining a Future Where Men Live With Ease
The panel repeatedly returned to one message: men deserve a life that works. A life with architecture. A life built on clarity instead of chaos.
"You must be intentional, whether starting out, mid-career, or preparing for retirement," Ayo explained. "You have to picture the end, or the journey will drown you."
Financial Freedom as Soft Life
One powerful segment focused on money. Young men asked how to build financial independence in unstable times. Deyemi detailed how his career was built through discipline, survival jobs, and long game thinking, even quitting acting in 2019 before returning stronger.
"These things sound like fairy tales after the fact, but it was very tough. I quit... then I came back stronger."
The message landed: soft life requires structure, not shortcuts.
Strength Through Softness
Deyemi challenged the idea that softness weakens men:
"Nothing has softened. If anything, it requires that I get stronger."
Soft life is resilience without self-harm. Drive without breakdown. Ambition without erasure.
How Men Can Build Their Soft Life Starting Today
The conversation concluded with actionable guidance for real men facing real pressures.
- Reset the Mindset - Life is not supposed to be stress and chaos. The hustle mentality must be unlearned.
- Create Rest Points – Rest is not a luxury. Sometimes you just stop working, enjoy people around you, and maybe travel.
- Build Discipline, Not Distraction – When asked how to enjoy the soft life without losing drive, the answer was direct. Remember the things that built you.
- Know Yourself and Your Triggers – You must know yourself. Look back at your life.
- Practice Intentional Decision-Making – Soft life begins with choices such as where to work, how to spend, what to prioritise, and what to release.
Practical Soft Life Action Plan
| Action Area | Practical Application |
|---|---|
| Mindset | Reject glorification of suffering |
| Rest | Schedule downtime weekly |
| Finances | Build emergency funds |
| Discipline | Maintain routines |
| Self-knowledge | Journal triggers, patterns |
| Balance | Boundaries at work and home |
PATH FORWARD – Build With Intention, Live With Ease
Ayo and Deyemi made one truth unmistakable: men can embrace a softer life without losing ambition, if they build intentionally.
The path forward requires resetting old beliefs, prioritising wellbeing, and creating systems that support emotional, financial, and personal stability.
By practising discipline, cultivating rest, and rejecting the glorification of struggle, men can redefine success for themselves, building lives that are productive, joyful, balanced, and deeply sustainable.
